Again and again I see your face in everything.

Okay, it was so predictable... I won't be the stray coming back just to be fed. Well, I am. Kinda sad, isn't it? But at least he hasn't ignored what happened. At least he's talked clearly about it.

The thing is that I cannot get those things he said out of my mind. I honestly don't think they were necessary, or at least not with those words. And I doubt I will ever forget them. Actually, I doubt I will ever forget him. And that's what he wants, because we're friends and he wants me to be alright. And that's also what I should want. I should wanna forget him. But I can't.

I'm not sure about what I should do. Not at all. Because when I try to stay away from him, I never succeed. And it gets worse, actually. But when I come back to him, I've got a feeling that it's not gonna be worth it. Not for me.

...This is so messed up.

Forgotten hugs, forgotten excuses

What should I say now? I mean, this is like talking to myself.. my fucking self. selfish. self-centered. And I could go on... Anyway, I shouldn't try to explain the situation (hey, girl, you're the only one reading this). And, actually, it's mad. It's... it's a damn nonsense, it really is.

Basically, "you've got the music in you!" is all you have to say. Wow. An exclamation mark? Come on. I mean, stop it. Just stop it. And you even think you've got the right to criticize my music... Well, since that was not addressed to me... But nothing, NOTHING you have is for me, right? Yeah, it is very clear now. Good job. It was addressed to her. "You've got no idea of how bad it is for her"... OMG, OMG, oh my fucking god, it's bad for her. Okay. So what? Do I really have to care? I mean, does she care about me? Nope. Actually, she says it's my fault. Nice. I also blame her for many of the things that have happened to me/us. The difference is that I don't go and tell you straightaway. Coward. Fucking coward. And, yes, I'm saying that because I can. Because I've been brave. Even though you don't consider that pouring out all of my fucking stupid feelings is being brave. So fuck her. Fuck you. And no guilty feeling. At all. Oh bitch, you don't even fucking know me.

Well, she blames me. Wow. She blames me... and I couldn't care less about it.

"That's what you want and that's what you will not have. Period." (He who said: "but all those things you say..."). Okay, so you're wasting your time? You've been wasting your time? And it's now when you realize. Just a coincidence, I guess. You always knew that things couldn't stay the same after... well, after that night. And I must say that I was kind of happy that day. Yeah, you'd hate me a bit more if you heard this, I'm sure. But who cares now? So, yes, kind of happy, because I found hope. Wait, I'll write it down again. HOPE. False hope, actually, but hope after all. And I have to say it was much better when there was hope in my life. Something to be nervous/eager/whatever about. I liked it.

...And you keep saying that you care. Gosh, you could be honest now. But you won't. I'm so jealous of you. Yeah, I said you, not her. I'm jealous because you always have it way too easy. But, of course, you act like you don't, like you've had soooo many problems. But, of course, you got over them. Sure. You're so mature. You even gave me advice. Oh, come on, you are no savior, you are just another kid. And you won't fool me this time, not anymore.

Hey, just a little reminder:

IT WAS YOU THE ONE WHO STARTED ALL THIS. IT WAS YOU. IT WAS YOU THE ONE WHO TOLD ME THAT YOU HAD EVERYTHING I WANTED, EVERYTHING I WAS LOOKING FOR. YOU.

SO FUCK OFF.

It's now when lots of song lyrics come to my mind. Alternative. Keep saying that, but you don't even know what it means. Now every fucking word that comes out of Jesse's mouth, or Geoff's, whoever's, fits in. Yeah, it's my story. It's my fucking story and I'm gonna write it. And you won't tell me how.

Maybe I've already said this, but... FUCK OFF. PERIOD.

This has been a rant.

PS: LOST, I'm gonna miss you so much...  Aww, don't leave me.